Hussein in the Membrane

Matt suggested that we put a sticker on the school van that reads: “Caution: Egyptian on board.” Hussein gave Matt the stink-eye in the rearview mirror, but he was definitely kind of amused.

I think that our commute would qualify for an exciting virtual-reality video game, something like Grand Theft Auto, middle-east style. Every day, Hussein takes a different route. Perhaps we’ll go off-roading through a dusty dump, or drive the wrong way on a two way street*. Perhaps we’ll avoid the long line of cars at an exit and race down the shoulder. Hussein is somehow able to make these snap decisions whilst cackling at our evident fear or screeching in Arabic (the timbre of his voice escalating up the octaves) on his mobile phone.

Well, one day after school another driver committed the ultimate no-no in Hussein’s book. An Indian guy made an obscene gesture at Hussein (probably because Hussein was cutting him off by inches). Well, Hussein wouldn’t have it. Somehow, he forced the other car off the road, jumped out of the car, and marched over to the other guy’s window to give him a piece of his mind. Simultaneously, an ambulance happened to be passing and pulled over to find out what was going on. We were all just sitting there stunned, wondering what on earth was going on. One of the English teachers got out to back up Hussein in the dispute. It turns out that the paramedics have some sort of police control to uphold the law in this country. Anyhow, after a lot of wild gesturing, it all ended in forgiveness. The Indian driver apologized, and the ambulance drivers and Hussein forgave the indiscretion because of Ramadan. Apparently, in the UAE flipping the bird can get you a month in the slammer!

The moral of the story? Don’t mess with an Egyptian behind the wheel. I think we really need to get that bumper-sticker…


*This actually happened one day. We were driving along what we thought was a two-lane one-way road, bumper-to-bumper, when a couple of cars attempted to inch into the road going the opposite way. We all screamed, “What are they doing?” and Hussein insisted, “No, they are correct.” Apparently, the Dubai-bound drivers had completely taken over the road! This is yet another example of the traffic anarchy here.